Beggar
Just met one at our local station. He approached and asked if I "could lend (Or「借」in Chinese context. It's really just "give it out for free") him 3 bucks for a meal".
I immediately turned away at "lend" and registered them as some scam before their sentence ended. I let my mind get stuck in the loop of regret but my legs move forward. I try to find excuses to justify my actions: "If I lingered on or returned to them, they'd waited for anyone else that might not return with cash for his next lunch, and it'd be equally devastating if the expectations fail."
But no, what they really needed is just that one meal. And I refused that instant before punishing myself in the personal purgatory because of dishonesty towards my empathy.
I was instinctively avoiding them because I'm from a place of hurt while they are on survival and hurt. It's perverse that I can turn other's misery into fuel for my self discovery and put it up here on the world wide web. I guess I'm just that ugly of a human being. Meanwhile that guy will continue wandering until they met the next kind stranger.
I'll stop here and act decisively, preferably with abundance and without regrets next time. Fuck.